May 16th, 2018
Epheshians 6:10 – 20 teaches us about the “Whole Armor of God”. This armor is meant to protect every part of our body from this world. My sweet Grandmother would not get out of bed before putting this Armor on. She prayed every morning. She would quote this section of the Bible every morning and tell the enemy just where his place is. She had such a relationship with God that sometimes she didn’t say “Amen”. When asked she said, “Well it’s because I’m not done talking to Him.” I strive to have that relationship with God. The one that I can approach Him as a daughter just wanting to have a conversation with her dad. A conversation that I’m not afraid to have or I’m not insecure about. My grandmother, Joyce, raised me to be just like that.
May 16th, 2015 is a day I will be forever changed by. This day changed the direction of my life. On this day, I lost someone so dear to me, my grandmother, Joyce. This woman is the one that raised me. She is one that was the constant in my life. She made me who I am today. Not only did she raise me but she brought me up to love and believe in the Lord our God. On this day, I became so numb. I couldn’t think of anything other than what I had lost and how I was going to go on without her around. She was always just a phone call away and now, what will I do. The next morning I prayed and finally broke down. I begged God to just tell me that she was ok, that we made the right decision, and that she was in Heaven with Him. I got out of the longest shower of my life and started up the 13 stairs out of our basement. I got to stair number two and felt like I couldn’t go any more. I wanted to quit. I heard this loud sweet voice, a familiar one, seemed like her voice. The voice said, “Just one foot in front of the other, Jamie Lynne. That’s how we do this, just one foot in front of the other.” So I did, repeating that to myself and before I knew it I was at the top of the stairs. I go on and get dressed. My husband and I head out to pick up our boys. I dreaded the ride. I knew what I had to do and it was going to be painful, not just for them but for me too. How am I going to explain to them that Grandma Joyce is not with us any longer? How can I look them in the eye and not break down? So many questions and no answers. This is not easy! Again, I want to quit. Several offered to do this for me but this was something I knew I had to do. I just wanted to scream. I couldn’t get the tears to stop. Finally, I pulled myself together as we pull into my mother-in-law’s driveway. I immediately go in and gather the boys together. I explain to them what happened during surgery and that Grandma was very sick and didn’t make it out of surgery. Whew, that was out. I choked several times but it’s over. I look in their eyes and they are hurt. They don’t understand why. I have no answers other than “God is in control and she is with Him”. Still not knowing myself that she is ok, happy, at peace or that we did the right thing. I had some peace but it felt artificial. We head off to church. I was bound and determined to go to church. It is where I knew she would want me to be. I knew it was the place I just might find the peace I am needing at this point. The place to find the strength to go on. We finally get there and I just want to hide. Again, I just want to quit. I want the world to stop. My face is red and tear stained, there is no hiding it. I don’t want anyone to ask as the dam just might break. Whew, we got there just in time and very few will see me. We find our seats, go through praise and worship, all the while I am again pleading with God to just give me a sign my Grandmother is ok. Next, we anxiously wait for the great message Pastor Jason is going to deliver. He starts out by saying that he is not going to preach what he did at the 9 O’clock service and that he has been wrestling with God about this message. God has forced him to preach something different, something he wasn’t prepared for but he was just going to roll with it. He starts by telling us to turn to Ephesians 6 starting at verse 10. Immediately, I had my answer. The tears begin and all I can do is thank God for His answer. Immediately I had peace. I had my answer. Still today, I miss her and want her here with me but I know that she is in her place of rest.
Let me encourage you today, if you are waiting for answers, be patient He will answer you. You may have to open your heart and be raw in order to hear/see it but He will answer you. Also, I encourage you that if you don’t have relationship with God, get one. It does not have to be fancy nor eloquent. I have found that just talking to Him, I have the best conversations. Let me know how this message has affected you.