Everyone describes anxiety differently. To some it’s fear, worry, nervousness, but to others it comes in forms of panic attacks. Either way, anxiety can be debilitating. In the past few months, I have experienced stress and anxiety like I never had before. Until just recently, I had never had such severe anxiety that it made me not want to do anything, except sleep.
I was unmotivated and had to drag myself out of bed. This wasn’t because I was anxious about taking the boys to school or really anxious about anything other than work…my job. I had recently taken on a client that was being watched by everyone, my boss, her boss, the leadership on the client side and I was afraid of FAILURE. This caused me to spin myself into the great unknown mentally. Well, I say it was me, really the enemy used this cracked window to come in and start talking in my ear. Daily, hourly even, he would remind me of all my past failures with work. He would say things like, “they are going to know where you messed up and you are going to get yelled at”, “You will be such a disappointment”. The torture went on for days/weeks. The more I listened to that voice the more I withdrew and the more I withdrew the louder the voice got….all the while, ramping up my anxiety. I had been reading a great book, “Goliath Must Fall: Winning the Battle Against Your Giants” by Louie Giglio earlier in the year and I had put it down for whatever reason. One day, I had picked it back up and started reading again. That’s when it all changed for me again. Now there wasn’t anything miraculous in those pages I read that made a change. What caused the change is I wasn’t listening to that voice any longer. I had started to change my mindset. I wasn’t going to let the enemy control me with anxiety.
One night, I was sitting on the couch trying to watch TV and couldn’t concentrate for all the things running through my head. This was the breaking point. I grabbed my bible, and told satan if he wanted to battle with me then we were going to war and this was going to be over. I couldn’t live like this any longer. Now I know what I’m going to say next is going to seem a little cuckcoo, but hang with me. I then went into the kitchen and grabbed the olive oil. Downstairs I went with my tools for battle. I immediately starting looking up verses about fear and anxiety (these are listed at the end). I opened my bible and started praying. I reminded the Lord that He gave me this job and He and I would see though it together. I grabbed the oil and rubbed it all over the door frame of my office, all the while praying and telling satan that he has no place here….he MUST leave. Next, I moved into my office, on my knees sobbing, begging the Lord to take this awful feeling. I stood up and anointed my computer with oil…now I didn’t go full on crazy and just dump the oil but I did take just a tiny bit and rub across the top. This time, I had looked up verses about the oil and was reading them out loud (again, listed below). Whether I realized it or not, my mind was changing….my attitude was changing…all because I chose to not listen to the voice that was driving me deeper into my mess but I was listening to the voice of my helper, my way maker, my Saviour, Jesus. The anxiety didn’t just lift immediately, I felt so “cleansed” on the inside. I had a different outlook. Before I was beginning to worry about losing everything, my job, our new house, my marriage, everything. After this, I had begin to remind myself, “if He brings me to it, He is faithful to bring me through it”. God will never forsake me. He gave me this job, he’ll give me another.
Let me encourage you, if you are going through something (whether you deem it big or small), do not listen to that negative voice that just makes you feel worse. Start reading the Bible and start listening to the one that is going to make a way for you and help you out of your mess. I have listed below the verses that helped me, I sure hope they help you. I just want you to know you are not alone. You do not have to face this battle alone. If you need someone to pray with you, contact me, I will pray with you. Reach out to a church member. If you don’t have a church, I have a great one I would recommend.
One thing that helps me the most is when I feel down and out, I go to my Amazon Prime Music playlist and listen to it, right now I’m listening to their “Christian Spring” playlist. Get some music on and get your praise on.
Do I still have days that are hard? YES, I do. What do I do? I start praying and praising. I reach out to my “prayer buddies” and we pray together. Before I know it, I’m hours into my day and the feeling is almost non-existant.
I totally recommend the book, “Goliath Must Fall: Winning the Battle Against Your Giants” by Louie Giglio. I got it as a Black Friday special and it has been such a blessing to me….more to come on that later.
These are the verses, I read NKJV but you can/should read them in whichever version your are comfortable with:
Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” This one in the MSG and NIV is really good too.
John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
Psalms 55:22: “Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”
I Peter 5:6-9: “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same suffering are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.”
Psalm 23:4, Psalm 56:3, Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:6-7, Luke 12:24, and Philippians 4:19
James 5:14-16, Hebrews 1:9, Psalm 23:5