Encouragement, Journey, Prayer Life


pen calendar to do checklist
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Why do we feel like we have to get it all done and done right now? I feel like I write about this all the time but I know that I am not the only one struggling in these areas. I apologize in advance for the length of this….

I have been dealing with the emotions of regret, fear, failure (perceived), and the negative thoughts and feelings pile up.  All of these feelings come from the fact that I am trying to do it all at once, too much at once.  I am working full-time, going to school full-time, full-time mom, full-time wife, part-time housekeeper, and my list of jobs could go on for days.  Trust me when I say this is not a pity post.  This is a wake up call for all those moms, wives, sisters, daughters…women out there that are doing more than their fair share (not that anyone is keeping track).

I sit here looking for inspiration on Pinterest.  Something to get me motivated to write my next paper for school.  I got behind in the reading (there is A LOT) and have worked to get caught up.  So on Pinterest I see pins of home decor that I would love to do and I remember that I never got my Halloween decorations out.  I have fall all out but Halloween just feel to the wayside.  I also remember that my house needs cleaned desperately.  Then it reminds me that the trim and flooring needs to be finished and I need to research how to do that….or just break down and hire someone to do it.

I scroll some more and I see all these pins about writing, blogging, getting paid to work from home, etc.  These all came up on my page because I was researching blogging for myself and working from home for a friend.  However, this reminded me that I haven’t written a new blog in 2 weeks and I need to do that.  Then it hits me that God hasn’t laid anything on my heart lately and I need to read my Bible today (totally forgot this morning).

The last few boards that I viewed were of the Keto diet and some other “slick” ways of losing weight.  Then I am flooded with the thoughts of last Friday when I went to buy some new fall/winter clothes to update some of my wardrobe.  It was awful.  Yes, this summer I have let myself go and I have not concentrated on walking or watching what I have put into my body.  I promise myself every day that I am going to dig in and start over; another day passes and I fail once again.

So all of this keeps reminding me of all the things that I haven’t done, like I have forgotten instead of inspiring me to get up and do any of them.  I sit here in drowning the emotions of so much to do and not getting any of it done.  The nagging of the list of undone items is driving me over the edge.  I’m not crying yet but it’s not far off.  Yes, I need to pray through and yes this is just another attack to keep me down because the enemy knows once I get up it’s over for him.  Again, I am faced with where do I start.  Then I wonder, why do I take so much on at one time.  Can I not have just one thing going at a time and be happy with that?  The answer is NO.  I know I need to finish school.  I know I need to clean the house.  I know I have an inbox full of work.  I know that tomorrow I need to go for my walk and just breath in the fall.  So why is it that we feel we need to do it all RIGHT NOW.  Why is it not ok to wait until I finish school to lose the weight?  Why can’t I wait until the boys are out of school to finish my schooling?  I’ll tell you why, it’s because time just ticks away and we are pushed to be something better.  Fit in a certain box like everyone else.

God has called us to stand out.  We are all made unique and need to embrace that.  I know I am far from perfect but I should be perfect for ME.  As long as we are putting one foot in front of the other and working towards our goals (large or small), shouldn’t that be enough?  What am I going to do about it?  I am going to pick myself up off this couch, I am going to dust myself off and go at it again.  I am going to start with getting on my knees and asking God for direction.  Asking Him where HE wants me in this moment.  The enemy wants me to just sit here so he can keep whispering in my ear, reminding me of all the failures, undone tasks, lost friendships, disappointments….all the negativity.  Not today satan….or should I say not TONIGHT.

Am I frustrated, yes!

Do I really want to pray?  NO but I must!

Is my prayer going to be eliqoint?  NO.

Will God hear me anyway?  YES

Is God surprised by any of this?  NO

Does He still love me, support me? YES

Will He still help me?  YES

All I have to do is ask and let Him lead me.  It’s as easy as that.  I have to be patient and listen for His response, which can be difficult…..but worth it.

grayscale photography of man sitting on grass field
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Are you struggling with trying to get it all done?  Have you committed to some big dreams and your right in the middle of them and it’s hard to see the end?  Have you completely dropped your relationship with God and need to just pray?

Let me encourage you all tonight that He is always here and listening.  He will always come to the rescue. He is just waiting for us to ASK.  He will welcome you back with open arms and not hold against you any of your transgressions.  So get up, dust yourself off and tell the enemy of our souls that “WE WIN! He does not get a say anymore!”.  Then get on your knees or go to your prayer closet and let God have it all.  Release it all to Him.  It doesn’t matter if you are there for 5 minutes or 4 hours…..He hears our hearts and will answer the same.  I personally am not moving from this position until I hear from Him.  I may be here in the morning but I need answers.  I need Him to move in my life.  I need Him to help pick me back up.  I need Him to tell me what it is HE wants for my life and if I need to lay down some of these goals I have set for myself.

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