At the end of the sermon Pastor J asked if any one who was experiencing a “set back” or a hinderance to just step forward. I can’t tell you how many people went forward because my focus was God and being tired of the battles I’ve faced. The storms just come, winds just come and I weather them but they don’t seem to go away. Here I go, I’m walking forward hoping no one has noticed it’s me going forward. I have no idea what is going to happen, no expectations but praying God meets me there. I get to the altar and kneel, on my knees, hands in my lap, eyes closed, trying to calm myself. I start praying quietly, “God, I don’t know how to pray for myself at this point. I can’t even put into words what I’m feeling, thinking or needing.”
-Side note it’s not like I have faced a physical battle or even that I have waged a major battle, however the mental warfare and the spiritual battle I’ve dealt with is wearing me out. At this point I couldn’t pray because I just felt so exhausted by the constant battle.
Back to it…
I couldn’t pray so I just sit there, quietly, and say in my mind “Lord, I don’t know what or how to pray but here I sit. I sit quietly waiting. Seeking your face. Needing you to meet me here.” I sat for just a second and I want to run. I want to get up because here I am in front of the church, on my knees on the floor. I don’t really want to be here. I don’t want to be kneeling in front of people crying but here I am. All of a sudden a very dear woman of God comes up and just starts praying over me. The more she prays the harder I cry. I was crying so hard my lip was quivering, my chin was tight, if I would have opened my mouth at this point, I would have waled. I couldn’t have stopped the tears with the Hover Dam. I can only imagine what my face looks like because I made the mistake of wearing mascara to church. Although at this point, it might be good that they see my face because if they are judging me then maybe they should be right next to me praying through too. I’m don’t even concentrated on that, I’m listening to the voice praying over me just being wrapped up in His presence. She was speaking life over me, binding the attack on my life, my mind, my spirit. Everything within me was breaking and it was freeing. I mean literally, every fiber of my being was breaking and cracking! It felt so good. The tears were cleansing. They burned like fire but they were cleansing.
So to this wonderful woman, I say thank you. Even though you are going through your own battle, you are speaking life, being obedient to God and His prompting. Thank you!
She leaves and it wasn’t but a nano-second and someone else is praying over me. My whole body gets warmer and just when I thought the tears were close to ending, here they come again. I can’t tell you what was prayed because I couldn’t hear anything. I am in a place that is almost silence, sweet silence. It is peaceful and silent. They finish and I sit there because I’m just not ready to get up. I know they are singing and I feel the song in my spirit, still not hearing it in my ears. I just hum it to myself. I can’t tell you why I didn’t get up, the human part of me still didn’t want to be there in front of the church… but my SPIRIT was winning this battle, I wasn’t moving. Then I feel another set of hands and then starts the prayer. I knew that voice. I start crying again and I’m ok with it. At this point, I have embraced it. I am so enthralled in His presence, the tears come like rivers down my face. They aren’t just tears of sorrow, they are tears of pure joy and love. They are tears of breakthrough. They are tears of a thousand disappointments, let-downs, hurts, heartbreaks, failures, and attacks. They are also tears of 10,000 joyous moments, excitements, breakthroughs, successes, and WINS. The emotions of all of it are so overwhelming.
I can say that I never felt this breakthrough coming. I knew the battles I had faced in recent days past were nothing different but when God got a hold of my heart this time, I knew it. I have felt it before but I haven’t felt anything that powerful since the first time. I had been praying for Him to show Himself to me and He met me there. All I had to do was make that first step. Once I did, there was no turning back.
I share this story so that you too can have an experience similar. Don’t let fear and intimidation hold you back from your breakthrough. God always prompts us, asks us to be obedient but it is us that are too prideful. I will also tell you, He meets you where you are. You do not have to run to Him. He comes to you! Think about the last time you were on your knees in total surrender to God and His will over you and your life. Has it been a while? Did He show up? What changed? Is it time to do it again?
If there is something I can pray for or with you, please send me an email and I will do just that. We all need God and His love. He does not need us.
Peace be with you!