Somehow she ended up in the middle of this room and it looks just like a circus funhouse with all these mirrors. She has no idea how she entered in or how she got this far. Have you ever been there? She found herself turning multiple directions with no clear path out and she can’t find her path in to try to back track out either. There is no one around to ask for help, direction, or guidance. All she has is mirrors and all she sees is the stark white floor, the bright florescent lights and herself in mirrors, magnified, staring back at her. She is aware of those standing outside looking in and watching her; it took her a while to discover them because she has entered into uncharted waters so she is completely disoriented. There has always been a clear direction or a “still small voice” that guided her, to which she hears no longer. Those “others” are staring in, watching her… they fall into one of two camps; either they have no idea how to help her because they have never seen her like this before or they are glad to see her struggle. Either way they are just commentators, she knows she can’t rely on them but yet they are a welcomed distraction from the picture she sees in the mirror. So she just stands still, staring back at herself, back at the crowd that has now gathered, wondering what the heck, and how the heck did she get there, completely stunned. How did she get there? How did she let herself get caught off guard? How is she going to press on and get out? What about those people outside looking? Does she really care what they think or do? What is their purpose? What is the purpose of this place?
Everyone says just get in The Word and God will direct you. I know that to be true and I have given that very advice. However, I am reading and feel no clear direction. I participated in the fast, still no direction. I started another fast, only this time I feel a little less committed because again I hear/feel nothing. I have been just this girl described above. I am there now. I thought I had direction from God, I thought I was on the right path only to find my lost. No matter where I turn, no matter what I do that I think/feel God is given me direction all I see is myself in the mirror. My mistakes, my short-comings, my dropped dreams, my path of “destruction” all showing up in the mirror. I see those outside, within reach but their words are few and muffled. The others outside with them seem to quietly cheer that I am struggling. My inner circle seems to be even smaller and no where to be seen. My God, whom I trust with every part of my life, is silent… or IS HE? So what do I do, I pray…continue to pray. I meet with friends, Christian friends that have been there to listen in the past. I am very careful of what I am feeding my mind because it would be very easy to “misstep” and give the enemy just one more mirror to put in front of me. I hold VERY tight to what I know to be true and that is that God is always with me, He loves me, He is always looking out for my best interest, and He is the almighty, all knowing, all powerful, the beginning and the end.
This too shall pass.
Everything changes, nothing stays the same.
I have no scripture to put with this only to say….TO BE CONTINUED.